PARADOXES & BOXES:

Why boxes don't work for me, or God.

Hi there! I'm Brittany. Welcome to my first blog post. I figure as an introduction, I should tell you a little about me and why I started this blog.

First of all, my aunt told me my Facebook posts were getting too long…“novels” she calls them…and so I decided it was time to move to a platform that was more appropriate for my soapboxes, rants, and musings. So, she put the idea into my head first - blame her.

In all seriousness, writing is my way of processing. I started a blog to have a space to share the things I am working through, how the Bible can speak into our lives in a personal and real way, and how God can be revealed in the midst of it all. Having ongoing dialogue about important things in safe spaces is how progress can be made, both on a personal and societal level. (One of my personal mantras is "progress, not perfection." If we wait until we are perfect, we will get nowhere). And maybe it’ll turn out that a topic I write about is something you’re trying to work through yourself.

Now a little about me...

I’m a thirty-something working mom of two boys and am married to the most wonderful man who has ever lived. He is the pastor of our church in the greater Atlanta area, which is where we met. Being married to the pastor means I am actively involved in every aspect of our church community. One of the things I do and love is co-lead our Women's Group with my dearest friend and spiritual mentor, Ann. I'm an avid reader and I love to write in my spare time, mostly about my faith life and the things I am working through. Hence, this blog!

Oh, and my all-time favorite movie is Dirty Dancing. So that's the big stuff.

If you checked out the “About” section of this site, then you already know that I am something of a paradox. I’ll save you the trouble of navigating to that page right now… This is what it says:

I’m a Feminist who likes my husband to hold doors open for me. I’m a mother who looks suspiciously at the moms who have it all together (because HOW?!) I work full time and write in my spare time (which is obviously a paradox because did I mention I have kids?)

I love and follow Jesus with all my heart, and I also question where Christianity has led us today.

I'm a good listener with a terrible memory. I'm a totally structured Type A personality who often feels like I don’t have it together at all. Oh, and I'm a type 1 diabetic who lives for chocolate. Go figure.

See? Paradox. I looked up the word just to make sure it was an accurate description of me….

par·a·dox /ˈperəˌdäks/

noun

1. a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded or true.

Yep. That’s me. I am actually a morning person AND a night person. It’s exhausting.

Me, my husband David, and my sons, Braxton (left) and Aaron (right)

I may be a contradiction in a lot of ways, but I prefer to think of it as being “well-rounded.” Alright so I am overly-emotional, it's true. But you know how some people are described as being EITHER led by their heart OR their brain? I’m just both. My heart typically kicks in first, and my emotions are strong right out of the gate, but my mind is generally not far behind. I always (ok, usually) self-reflect and come around to reason. At least I think I do. (See, I over-think, too! My poor husband….)

You know how some couples figure out their individual “love language” to learn how to better love one another? There’s five love languages: quality time, physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation and gifts. Me? I’m all five. I mean I have a main one, followed by four very close runners’ up. I repeat: my poor husband….

(Sidenote: if you and your partner do not know each other’s love language, I highly recommend figuring it out. -> https://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn)

All of this is to say, I am not someone who can be put into a neat little box. As I have worked through accepting that about myself, I've realized none of us belong in a box. Least of all God.

God doesn't belong in a box.

But isn’t that what we like to do with people? Let’s face it. We live in a world of opinions and judgment. We want things to be black and white. Either or. Us versus them. Mine versus yours. Republican versus Democrat. You get the point. We like to put things into categories and boxes. And for some reason, when someone or something is different from us and what we think or believe, we feel threatened by it. Other people’s choices, actions, and opinions expressed are either heralded as superior or demonized as "what's wrong with the world today."

Sadly, Christians are among the chief offenders and perpetuators of this reality. A lot of Christians tell others what the Bible says (and by the way, so often what follows “the Bible says…” is either used as a weapon or it's simply not true…). And they couch this judgmental admonishment in the spiritually manipulative language of “speaking the truth in love.” But just ask the person they are speaking that truth at if it felt like love. I doubt it did. As a Christian - who, as has been established, (over)thinks and feels deeply - this sometimes angers and always saddens me.

In the same way we want to label people and box them into categories, we also do this with God. We want God in a box. But the box WE made for God. We want a God that is for me/mine and against them/theirs. (Sidenote: It’s funny how often our version of God aligns with our politics, isn’t it?) Genesis 1:27 tells us that God made us in his image, but so often, we try to make God in our own image. Anne Lamott has this brilliant line in her book “Bird by Bird,” that goes like this:

And therein lies the problem with Christianity today, at least part of the problem, as I see it.

The sad truth is that, sometimes, Christians justify this hatred by using the Bible to support their own opinions. I believe that in every aspect of our lives, we can look to Scripture for guidance. Unfortunately, Scripture - when mishandled - can also be used to justify mistreating and excluding others, which is usually a blatant misunderstanding and misrepresentation of what the Scriptures are actually saying or intending.

I have found that a really helpful solution for that problem is to look to Jesus.

We may be confused about the meaning behind some stories and maybe even entire books of the Bible (I’m looking at you, Revelation…). But when rightly understood, the Bible can be an awesome window into how life can be best lived.

Many years ago, I was introduced to the writing of philosopher and Christian scholar Dallas Willard, who was known to say this when asked why someone should follow Jesus: “Put his words into practice and find them to be true.”

When I look to Jesus and put his words into practice, my life and relationships are better, and I remember that the call to love trumps any selfish agenda I may have. I don’t always get it right - in truth, I often get it wrong. Which is why I am continually working out my faith and working through the stuff life throws at me. It's why I started this blog.

My goal with this blog is to continually remind myself and hopefully those who read this, of that call to love. And to keep in mind that while we desperately want things to be black and white, life is lived mostly in the gray. And to acknowledge that while it might be human nature to instinctively put things and people into boxes, love doesn't confine - it frees. To proclaim Christians are called to love is certainly not new; but it bears repeating and reminding. Every single day. (And yes, this too is a work in progress...)

What box have you been put in? Where in your life are you thankful for shades of gray? I'd love to hear from you! Please leave a comment or send me a message.