ANOTHER WAY TO DO RESOLUTIONS:
- brittbryan1001
- Dec 29, 2022
- 7 min read
Updated: Feb 4, 2023
Why I think we should be about small steps over giant leaps this year.
Christmas is over. Time to store it all in the basement and go back to business as usual.
It kinda seems like that's how the story goes in the Bible, too. At least at first.
Obviously, everything had changed. But, right after Jesus was born (and they'd announced the good news), the shepherds went back to their business, and the angels went back to theirs. And the wisemen, they went back home, too.
Except, funny detail about the wisemen... Matthew tells us that they did not go back the same way they came.
Of course, we know they did this because they were avoiding the wrath of Herod, but the fact is that the wisemen adjusted their plan and changed their path. See, they knew that the birth of the Messiah meant that nothing would ever or could ever be the same. They could not take the same route back. And so, they went home another way.
Another way. Thats what I want to talk about today.
When something happens in your life that changes everything, you might be forced to find another way. Or maybe you’re simply ready for things to change and are willing to try another approach. Maybe what you’ve been doing isn’t working, so it’s time to figure out another way.
A new year is upon us. A time for resolutions and promises to ourselves that we will do things differently this year.
We make resolutions because we truly want things to be better. So we set goals and we make positive changes and buy all the things we think will help us stick to this new plan.
But then it gets hard, so we quit.
I want to suggest that maybe we try a different approach to New Years Resolutions this year. Another way.
Instead of making “resolutions,” I propose we just aim for growth. That’s doable for sure. Rather than setting ourselves up for failure, we just take baby steps.
But, how??
The problem for me is that I am a type-A perfectionist. I want the plan nailed down to the last detail before I even take the first step.
I guess I am writing this piece for myself. Maybe it can help you, too.
Because my problem is that if I keep waiting to begin until everything is perfect, well, then, I’m sure you can finish that sentence….
I read a book many years ago that changed my life. I re-read it at the beginning of every new year because it inspires me that much. It’s called Better than Before by Gretchen Rubin. It’s about habits, so a New Years Resolution blog is a good place to recommend that book.
But Rubin has another brilliant book (The Happiness Project) in which she says this (a spin-off of something Voltaire said):
“Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.” Gretchen Rubin
I try to remind myself of that regularly. And that's how I came to write this piece. I wanted to think of a better way to stick to resolutions that didn't require perfect adherence to an unreasonable, unrealistic plan.
When I started thinking about this topic, some questions immediately came to mind. Like, How would I even know if there’s an area of my life that’s in need of growth? How do I start? How can I make sure I have success?
So, here’s how I’ve come to answer those questions, after reflecting on what I’ve learned in my experience with personal growth so far.
QUESTION: HOW DO I KNOW IF THERE’S AN AREA IN MY LIFE THAT IS IN NEED OF GROWTH?
ANSWER: ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS.
Maybe the area of your life that needs growth is the way you and your partner relate to one another and communicate (or don’t communicate…)
Maybe it’s your spiritual life; you want to be closer to God and you want your faith to grow.
Maybe the area of your life that needs growth is with your physical health or your finances.
Or maybe, you have no idea.
If that last one is you, here are a few questions to ask yourself to figure out where to begin:
What in my life am I ready to stop?
To stop being angry. Stop overspending. Stop overeating. Stop over-extending yourself. Stop going back to that relationship that hurts you. Stop making destructive decisions.
What in my life am I ready to advance? Your career? A relationship? Your parenting? Your mental, physical, or spiritual health? A talent or skill set?
What energizes me? And also, what sucks the life out of me?
You know exactly what I am talking about…
If it energizes you, lean into that. Research shows that we love doing things we are good at. Figure out how to do it more.
If it sucks the life from your soul, figure out how to stop doing it, or at least do it a lot less.
If you need a tip for how to answer these questions, pay attention to your self-talk.
You might say something like, “This just is not working anymore” or, “There has to be a better way to do this.” Or, “I would (fill in the blank) if I weren’t so scared…”
It’s possible those statements could be pointing you in the direction of your area of growth.
QUESTION: HOW DO I START THE GROWTH PROCESS?
ANSWER: ACCEPT THERE WILL BE DISCOMFORT BEFORE YOU EVEN BEGIN.
After you identify the area you’d like to grow in, you’re going to have to embrace the discomfort. Because change is difficult, I don’t care who you are.
In the Bible, the wisemen had to “return to their country by another route” to escape the wrath of King Herod. God directed their paths to avoid danger.
Man, how I wish God would do that for me! Like,
“Hey Brittany, this path you’re on, it’s no good. Let me show you the path that will lead you to your desired outcome. Follow me! No, no, not that way…this way!” - GOD
But that is not how it works. I don’t know why, it just isn’t. (But you better believe it’s gonna be the first question I ask him when I meet him face to face…)
Here’s what I do know: there’s a really good chance that the path God has in mind for us will be uncomfortable and unpleasant. At least at the outset.
Because the Bible gives us tons of examples of how God called his people to another way of doing things.
BUT - God never promised any of them that they would be MORE comfortable on their new path. He just promised that he would be with them the whole way.
If we understand that God never called anyone in the Bible to be more comfortable in their lives, then why should we expect anything different for our own lives?
Here’s the reality: growth hurts.
When I was a kid, I would get terrible leg cramps. The doctor told my mother it was “growing pains.”
When my children were teething, they would cry and cry and I would feel helpless because I couldn’t do anything to stop their pain.
Growth hurts because something in us is expanding. It’s simply part of the process.
But a truth of the human condition is that we want to avoid pain at all costs. And so sometimes, even if the situation we are in is miserable, there is comfort in the familiar, which keeps us from making any changes. The unknown is scary. I get that so much.
But here’s another reality:
“By changing nothing, nothing changes.” Tony Robbins
So, this is where you choose. Choose which kind of discomfort you want. Do you want to stay where you are in this current discomfort? Or do you want to take a chance on the unknown discomfort of trying another way?
Accepting that it’s going to be uncomfortable, and moving forward anyway, is a necessary step to beginning the growth process.
QUESTION: HOW CAN I MAKE SURE I’M SUCCESSFUL?
ANSWER: ADJUST YOUR ENVIRONMENT.
If growth hurts because something in us is expanding, then it stands to reason that we ought to make room for growth to occur.
My nephew used to have this bearded dragon he kept in a tank. My sister would have to get bigger and bigger tanks for the lizard because turns out, those things grow to the size of their environments (up to a certain point, of course). So, if kept in a small tank, the little guy would not grow. If moved to a larger tank, he would get bigger.
Our environment is that important. It can hinder or help our growth.
So we should look at our environments and ask, which is it? Am I being hindered or helped? Do my friends, my romantic partner, my job, my routines, my spiritual life…do they hinder or help my growth?
And then make the necessary adjustments. Which might be really hard and certainly uncomfortable. But we know pretty well by now, growth is often uncomfortable.
But if everything always stayed comfortable, no one would ever change a thing. Imagine a world like that. No change. No growth. No progress.
No thanks.
I wrote this based on my experiences up to this point in my life. But like I said at the beginning, my tendency is to wait until just the right moment to start anything new. When my ducks are all neatly and quietly in their obedient little row, behaving very nicely, thank you.
So, I wrote this to remind myself that I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to get going.
And I wrote this to say let's just commit to doing small things, and watch as those small things gain momentum and lead to real and lasting change.
I think it's fitting to end with this quote:
“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.” Carrie Fisher
I love that.
So, that’s my goal for 2023. Do the thing and watch the confidence follow.
What about you?
Some questions to consider:
Have you identified the area of your life that needs growth?
If not, have you asked yourself what energizes you, and what sucks the life from you?
Can you decide to accept that it’s going to be hard and uncomfortable, but commit to doing it anyway?
After examining your environment, are you willing to make the necessary adjustments?
What do you need to make room for this year?
If you want to check out Gretchen Rubin, who I mentioned in this blog:
https://gretchenrubin.com/books/better-than-before/
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