Three ways to prepare for Christmas when your days aren't exactly merry & bright.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

People keep asking me if I’m ready for Christmas. I guess they mean have I finished decorating (yes) or am I done shopping (no) or if I am in the Christmas Spirit (mostly…)

It’s eight days away and the hustle and bustle of the season is in full force. Christmas music is playing, shoppers are out in droves, ugly sweaters are everywhere.

Our calendars are filled with various Secret Santas, White Elephants, and Cookie Swaps with with our family, friends and co-workers. And while kids count down the days until Christmas, retail workers are counting down the days until it’s OVER.

In other words, It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

But not for everyone.

This can be a difficult time for people who are struggling financially or struggling with loneliness or loss.

If that’s true for you, when someone asks you if you’re ready for Christmas, you might be tempted to respond in a not-so-holly-jolly manner. You might feel more like channeling your inner Macaulay Culkin, a la Home Alone...

I remember a Christmas I spent alone, the first one after my divorce. It was a kind of loneliness I’d never felt, which made it hard to want to participate in all the parties and gatherings. So I just didn’t. I stayed home. Alone.

I’ve also spent many Christmases as a single mom, wondering how I was going to get my kids’ any gifts, so I understand the stress this time of year can bring when you’re not in great financial shape.

And I can only imagine how painful this time of year can be for those who have recently lost someone they love.

The holidays put a heavy emphasis on spending time with family. When a loved one is not with us anymore, the memories of holidays in years past can be just too heavy to bear, leaving no room for joy and laughter and celebration in the present. I have several friends right at this very moment who are experiencing this and my heart breaks for them.

Maybe your hard time is about none of the above. You’re just going through it. Maybe there is no “reason” for your struggle; you’re just struggling.

If any of that is true for you, honestly, it’s no wonder that this time of year is just plain hard. I can understand how the question, “Are you ready for Christmas?” might make you blanch.

Loneliness and loss and pain are always difficult, but the holidays can magnify the sadness, allowing depression to thrive.

To those of you who are having a rough time for one reason or another, I understand the instinct to want to be alone. No judgment from me. I get it.

But still, I think it’s worth considering... how do you get ready for Christmas in times like that? How do you get ready for Christmas when your days aren’t exactly merry and bright? And what does it even mean to be “ready” for Christmas?

First, I think we should define what being “ready” means.

When you get ready to leave your home, what do you do? You shower (maybe), fix your hair and makeup (maybe), brush your teeth (hopefully), and grab your keys/phone/wallet.

Cute little mat on Etsy!

When you get ready for a test at school or presentation or meeting at work, what do you do? You study, you familiarize yourself with the material, you prepare what you’re going to say, and you practice.

So, when it comes to getting ready for Christmas, let’s assume it doesn’t truly mean that you’re done with the decorating and shopping and that you’re in the Christmas spirit.

What does being “ready” on a deeper level mean?

I have three ideas: having traditions, blessing others, and releasing the past.

1.) HAVING TRADITIONS:

One way I prepare myself for Christmas is by reading an Advent book in the weeks leading up to Christmas. Full disclosure: I do this alongside my husband. He reads on his own, I read on my own, and at some point during the day, we discuss what we read.

We started doing this together when we were dating and we find it’s a nice way to be in the daily spirit, and to help keep focused on what this time of year means to our faith. We also read a devotional book together every Easter.

Our Advent book, and other Christmas books I'm reading right now.

If you’re single, you can easily do this on your own. Or do it with a friend or a small group. It’s great to have someone to discuss what you are reading and learning with, but the point I am making here is that it’s actually personal and repetitive.

Of course, an Advent book is just one example. There are lots of different options to begin your own meaningful traditions.

Hold a traditional meal with friends every year. Begin a new morning routine you only do at Christmas time. Spend time alone with God each day reading in Matthew, Luke or Isaiah. Whatever the routine, if you do it every day leading up to Christmas, you'll discover that you are getting ready in a deeper and more soul-fulfilling way.

There really is something to be said about repetition and muscle memory. Because I have done an Advent reading for many years, it would feel totally strange not to do it at Christmas time. And the familiarity of this tradition brings me comfort and perspective, when it’s tempting to get caught up in the hustle and bustle or focus on what I don’t have rather than all that I do have.

2.) BLESSING OTHERS:

Another way to get ready for Christmas is to look for ways to bless others.

My church collects toys for families in need every Christmas. It’s something that provides a sense of purpose and meaning both to our church as a body, and also for the individual who gives.

We also did a Toy Drive at my work for the same purpose, and we asked our patients to contribute as well. The joy it brought to the people who participated was undeniable.

The happiness these toys will bring to the children who would otherwise receive nothing or very little is enough to make you feel pretty good for a day or two. But the joy it will bring to you when you bless others is something, if done regularly, that can build a sort of continual joy in your spirit.

Because it's not just a cliche. It is actually, verifiably true that it is more blessed to give than to receive.

If you do not know that truth already, I highly suggest you try it and just see what happens to your heart and mind and spirit.

*This delivery also included the toys donated by patients at my office.

3.) RELEASING THE PAST:

I've mentioned in other posts that I work in a dental office. This time of year, the office is constantly full of treats...cookies, cakes, cupcakes, truffles, candied pecans, popcorn, and those gift baskets from Costco full of various snacks. We get all these gifts from specialists' offices, who feel grateful for the referrals they receive from our doctor.

The other day at work, we were enjoying these treats, exchanging gifts, listening to Christmas music, and looking forward to closing the office a little early that day to get a head-start on our weekend. AND it was ugly sweater day!

So, I was really in the holiday spirit.

This is me (bottom right) with my team at work on Ugly Sweater Day

On this same day, an employee of one of the practices we refer to came by with one of those gift basket of goodies for us. Let's call her Cindy (not her real name) just to make the rest of the story easier.

We exchanged "Merry Christmases" and Cindy complimented my ugly sweater. And then she asked about the dentist who used to work with my boss. She wanted directions to his current office, because she was headed there next with a gift for him.

There’s a long story there, but this man really betrayed my boss in the way he left. They had a business relationship, but also a personal one, in that my boss looked at him like he was family, so his betrayal hurt very deeply. (Not to mention, it was highly unethical and probably illegal what he did.) Needless to say, I have no warm feelings toward this person.

So, when Cindy asked about him, my reaction was unmistakable. I said, “I certainly hope you are bringing him coal, after what he did to her.” ("Her," meaning my boss.)

Okay, so I know that was unprofessional and unkind and totally unnecessary. But sometimes I can’t help myself. Especially if I'm feeling protective of someone I love. It’s an area of growth, okay? I’m working on it.

Anyway, the second that came out of my mouth, I looked for a way to smooth it over. But because we are friends and Cindy knows me, without missing a beat, she replied, “Well, maybe it’s time to forgive. This is the season for that, isn’t it?”

In that moment I didn’t say what I was thinking, which was, “It’ll be a cold day in hell when I forgive him.” I just smiled and said she was right and thank you for the basket. We chatted a bit more, then Cindy went on her way and I went back to work.

So much for my holiday spirit, huh?

But a bit later, I got to thinking… You know who already forgave him? My boss. The one he betrayed and damaged, on a professional and a personal level.

And yet, she never harbored any ill-will towards him. She never spoke an unkind word about him to a single patient or peer, though she would have been fully justified to do so.

If she could be that grace-oriented when she was the one who was hurt, there is no reason I couldn’t forgive.

This experience stirred something in my spirit, and it’s a good question for all of us: If someone or something has wronged you in your past, maybe even especially if they don't deserve it, are you ready to forgive?

Let’s talk about deserved forgiveness...

If the person you need to forgive is yourself, that can be even harder to do, because you don't think you deserve forgiveness.

Maybe you have hurt others or hurt yourself and you don’t know how to begin to make it right. Maybe your past mistakes weigh so heavily on you, it feels it’s an insurmountable obstacle and it’s just hopeless. So the guilt continues to eat at you and rob you of any joy you could experience in your life. Because you don’t deserve forgiveness, and you darn sure don’t deserve happiness.

The way I see it, forgiveness is a boomerang.

When you extend forgiveness and grace to another, you receive an unexpected gift back in the process. It's the gift of peace. And the best gifts are given with no expectation of receiving something in return.

Maybe that's the best gift you can give yourself this Christmas. Forgiveness.

If it's someone else you can't seem to forgive, then you know harboring a resentment is heavy and intrusive. It weighs you down and finds its way into other areas of your life where it has no business. And the anger and resentment we intend to direct at another ends up infiltrating and corroding our own heart. That's a kind of boomerang nobody wants.

And so sometimes, we forgive others to relieve ourselves of that heavy burden.

In other words, forgiveness does not have to be deserved.

Nelson Mandela modeled this undeserved forgiveness.

An anti-apartheid activist in South Africa, Mandela was imprisoned for 27 years. He became famous not for being imprisoned, but for how he responded during and after his imprisonment.

The atrocities committed against non-white people in South Africa by legalized racism were horrendous. (And not that long ago. Apartheid only ended in the 90’s.)

Despite how he was treated, Mandela insisted that forgiveness was the only way forward. And the only way to liberate one’s own soul.

If he can forgive a corrupt government that imprisoned him for 27 years, and then lead that nation toward healing, we can forgive our past hurts. We can forgive ourselves.

Nelson Mandela in United Kingdom appearance in 1990. (Photo Cred: Getty Images)

South Africa is by no means perfect today. Forgiveness doesn’t mean there will be no more hurt and everything will be dandy from here on out. But it does move the needle in the right direction. Perhaps especially so for the one doing the forgiving.

If you are finding it impossible to forgive yourself or someone else, can I just ask, how is that working for you? Is it making you a happier person? Do you feel content and at peace? Wouldn't you like to move beyond that life and start a new one?

Maybe you don’t know how or where to begin.

Like anything in life, just start small. Don’t think you can heal and restore all at once. As Desmond Tutu, another anti-apartheid and human rights activist from South Africa, famously said, “There is only one way to eat an elephant: a bite at a time.”

So. What can you do today?

Photo from NY Times Article on Desmond Tutu

Taking it beyond forgiveness, what else do you need to stop or start or release this Christmas season? If there is something you are holding onto, or something holding you back, are you ready to move forward in a new way?

What do you need to release so that you can be ready?

Ready to forgive.

Ready to let go.

Ready to be generous.

Ready to trust.

Ready to be present.

Ready to try something new.

Ready to ask for help.

Ready to try again.

Ready to serve.

Ready to pay attention.

Which one of these statements stirs something in your spirit? How can you get ready for that? What will it take?

For me, it was the example of another person’s grace and and another person's perspective that made me examine my own heart. Sometimes we need that kind of experience to wake us up.

But if we want to see an example of forgiveness and grace, we need look no further than to the one this Christmas season is all about.

The Bible is full of instructions on forgiveness. Jesus tells us we are to forgive others seventy-times-seven. While hanging on the cross, he asks his Father to forgive those who put him there.

But let's be real, we are not Jesus. That level of forgiveness might be out of our grasp. We are weak and we struggle to let go of even petty injustices.

But that's actually okay. Because our weaknesses are opportunities for him to do his best work in us. And his grace really is sufficient.

My prayer for those reading this is that we get ready for Christmas in new ways this year. And that we start new traditions, look for ways to bless others, and release and forgive our past hurts.

And get ready to experience Christmas in a more meaningful way than ever before.

So. Are you ready for Christmas?

Our cat Snowball is totally ready for Christmas. It's her favorite.